I’m not going to lie, I wanted to kill my sister for sending me to David’s Bridal in Colma on Sunday. I gave myself 1.25 hours for the excursion – 20 minutes to get there and then the rest of the time to try on every dress in the store and get it altered if necessary. This plan left me plenty of time to get to my next engagement down in Palo Alto. Instead I spent 45 minutes lost on the fringes of San Francisco before finally managing to make me way down to Daly City and then Colma. Then I discovered that David’s doesn’t really work the way I thought it would. Instead of all the dresses in all the sizes and colors, they have most of the styles in most of the sizes and the idea is that you try on dresses and then order the one you want in the size and color you want. Without color to guide me, I didn’t know what style to try, so I ended up marching up and down the aisles trying to remember which ones I had seen online in “wine.” I picked out four dresses, two in my size, wrong color, one in the wrong size and the wrong color (have you ever tried something that you know is too small for you just to see if you can squeeze yourself into it? And then you get about half way into it and you realize that not only are you not going to get it on any further, but that if you even breathe funny you’ll burst open all the seams? Yeah, that pretty much sums up my experience) and one in the right size, right color.
Originally, I had wanted the dress that was in the wrong color and wrong size. But since they didn’t have my size (or anything close to it) I didn’t want to take the risk (or go through the hassle) of ordering it in my size, only to find out that it was unflattering. So I moved on. It came down to a choice between a halter dress with some pretty details and tulle and the dress in the right size and the right color. I felt myself entering into my familiar state of indecision when I looked at the time. Crap, I was going to be late. So I called over a sales associate and asked if I could get the dress in the right size and the right color altered. She called over a seamstress who said yes. Then I stood around in the dress for 15 minutes wondering when the seamstress would be back to pin the dress, only to discover that I needed to make an appointment for them to do that. I would have been kind of miffed, but while I was waiting around impatiently, the following happened:
A bride-to-be, accompanied by her mom, her dad and what I took to be her 3 yr-old son, had been trying on dresses at the same time as I was. As I was trying to decide if it would be worse to be pacing around, trip over the hem of my dress and tear it, or pacing around with the skirt wadded up in my fists to hike it up, this bride-to-be and her mom were checking out the shoes. Suddenly the B2B turns around and says, “Where’s S?” Her mom tells her she doesn’t know and her dad doesn’t seem to know either. So the B2B begins calling his name, “S! S! Someone was supposed to be watching him!” At just that moment, S popped his little head out of the dressing room his mom had been in. The B2B pulled up short and exclaimed, “OMG! He’s NAKED.” To which we all saw that this was true and busted up laughing. As she went into the dressing room I could hear her say, “Honey, why did you take off all your…OMG! He PEED on his clothes!” To which we all doubled over laughing. I have no idea if this kid peed himself and then stripped down, or if he decided he needed to pee, knew he couldn’t just pee on the floor, so he whipped off his clothes and peed on those. Either way, it’s pretty f-ing funny. So this poor mom comes out of the dressing room, soiled clothes held like a dead rat in one hand and her naked kid in the other. Between giggles, the sales associate was able to tell her that Marshall’s was right next door and that she could get him a whole new outfit for $5.
To top it all off, the dress I ended up with was a lot cheaper than the one I wanted and because my sister bought her wedding dress at David’s, I got a $20 discount.