According to my new pair of heather-gray (who is heather and why is she gray?) boxer shorts, I dropped everything to donate blood today. Overall, not a bad experience. My body reluctantly relinquished the last two tubes of blood, nearly costing me my consciousness, but overall, not bad. And for those of you wondering why I continue to donate despite my low iron, tendency to faint and zombie-like pulse and blood-pressure: I do it all for the cookies (please refrain from sticking them up your “yeah”). I really like cookies. In fact, I think cookies may be little remnants of Eden, giving us just a taste of the perfection we once had. Ice cream ranks as one of my all-time favorite desserts, but ice cream does not have the same portability as cookies. You can’t put ice cream in your pockets (well you could, but, well, you get the idea). It’s hard to eat ice cream in the car. Cookies are not usually as sticky and they have a higher melting point.
Cookies are also dunkable. I love sitting down with a nice glass of milk and dipping a cookie into it, watching as the cookie reaches sogginess equilibrium – where the cookie is nice and soft and laden with milk, but not to the point where it breaks and dissolves back into the glass – and then popping the whole thing into my mouth, relishing the juxtaposition of the melt-in-your-mouth quality of the milky half with the satisfying crunch of the dry half. Instead of saying, “whatever flips your switch” or “whatever floats your boat,” I think I will start saying “whatever dunks your cookies,” because what could be better than dunking cookies?
In other news: Holy shit! Did anyone else watch the men’s 4×200 relay? Also, I think that in an effort to improve their image, China now gives their gymnasts smiling lessons. And I also think that head-gymnastic coaches in general are lying through their teeth when they say that some of these girls are 16.